Gaining Self-Confidence: How to Be the Hero of Your Own Story

It’s true, some seasons of life can be deeply hard and difficult. Seemingly out of nowhere, your world can be flipped upside down and it may feel as if you’re spiraling out of control without any sense of direction.

These moments of struggle, pain, and challenge can leave you feeling deflated or even defeated. But guess what? 

While you can’t avoid life’s challenges (and you really shouldn’t — more on this later) you do possess within you the tools needed to navigate times of uncertainty. 

So let’s explore how reevaluating your mindset and developing your sense of self-awareness can help build the foundation for a more resilient and self-confident you.

What Is a HERO Mindset?

HERO stands for hope, (self) efficacy, resilience, and optimism. These are the four components of your psychological capital. 

Psychological capital? Think of psychological capital as your mental and emotional capacity to respond to challenging situations. 

Easy enough, right? But what does this look like?

In action, it may look like driving down the road on an average day when you car begins to shake and lurch. Agitation, even fear, may grip you as you pull over to the shoulder of the road. 

But you have a choice in that moment: you can let the fear overrun you, or you can breathe and figure out what to do next (autonomy).

It’s official. You have a flat tire and now you have to deal with it…and you can deal with it (self-assurance and self-confidence). 

Sure, you don’t remember exactly how to change a tire, but how hard can it be (self-efficacy)?

You know this won’t be easy — you’ll be challenged physically and mentally, but you know you’ll figure it out (self-advocating).

Are You Living as the HERO of Your Own Story?

What are heroes? The word “hero” most likely evokes a mental image, whether of a real-life person or that of a fantastical or even fictional character. 

Regardless of who or what comes to mind, we can evaluate the pursuits and struggles of these heroes and find similarities.

Heroes are guided by their beliefs and take responsibility for their behaviors and actions. Even during periods of strife and challenge, these beliefs are the heroes’ roadmap guiding them throughout their journey.

Despite the obstacles that arise, heroes take pride and solace that they are in control of actions — they can’t control what happens around them, but they do decide how they “arrive” in the moment. This empowers them, physically, mentally, or emotionally to continue facing their challenges with determination.

Because the heroes’ journey is rife with conflict and struggle, you see heroes demonstrate gratitude and experience joy for the seemingly mundane aspects in their lives — the arrival of a new day after defeating their foe, a sunrise, or sense of belonging when they reach the shores of their homeland.

Heroes also embrace the concept of “this too shall pass,” knowing through the darkness of the moment, they will triumph into the light. 

How Can You Be the Hero of Your Own Story?

Now that you know a little more about the HERO mindset and how heroes tackle their challenges, let’s explore how to be the hero of your story.

Practice forgiveness

Forgiveness is all about you letting go. It’s freeing yourself from the emotional, psychological, and physical burden that accompanies pain or trauma. Working with a therapist or trained professional can equip you with the tools to practice forgiveness.

Celebrate wins

Honor yourself and acknowledge your accomplishments however big or small. When you achieve your goals, your brain releases the “feel good hormone” dopamine. Dopamine can improve your memory, attention, and even your motivation resulting in reinforcing feedback. This positive feedback loop propels you to work harder going forward.

Look for positives

Believe it or not, for every challenge or obstacle you face, there’s a silver lining or positive aspect awaiting your discovery. Did a process at work break down and fail, causing a negative client experience? 

Sure, in the moment, it’s challenging. But by retracing steps or reverse engineering the process, you gain a deeper understanding of the process. And you might just connect with a colleague with whom you’ve never worked before, expanding your professional network. 

Practice daily gratitude

This practice can look different for different people. A great way to begin is to start a daily gratitude journal where you list 3 to 5 things for which you are grateful. You will feel more positive about yourself and your experiences, thus improving your mental health.

Be compassionate to yourself

Give yourself grace. Interestingly, we often find it easier to extend compassion to others but grapple with how to be warm and understanding with ourselves. Take a moment, acknowledge those self-critical thoughts and feelings and release them. They do not serve you.

Understand your self-sabotage tendencies (We all do it!)

Developing a keen sense of self-awareness will help you here. How do you respond to challenges, conflict, or opportunities for growth? Do you become defensive when challenged professionally or personally? Do you self-medicate? Or maybe you procrastinate completing a task even though the outcome excites you. 

Be honest with yourself and identify these tendencies. Once you identify your behaviors, you can take the next step in exploring why you revert to these tendencies.

Set exciting goals

What motivates you? When you think about the future, how do you envision yourself feeling? Do you want to start your own business? Do you want to run a marathon? Do you want to read more books next year - or even write your own? 

Set goals with achievable milestones leading toward your ultimate goal. And don’t forget to enjoy and revel in the experience along the way!

Form habits and routines that serve you

Don’t know where to start? That’s okay. Oftentimes, it’s easier for us to name those habits that don’t serve us (self-criticism at its finest). So start there and work backwards.

Do you struggle to stay awake during the day because you stayed up too late binge watching Netflix?

If so, start by minimizing your screen time at night and going to bed thirty minutes to an hour earlier. Adjust this over the course of a few weeks to find the right balance for you.

Or, do you aspire to be a writer, but between your day job, family obligations, and volunteering activities, you struggle to find time to devote to your craft? 

Try rising with the sun. 

Not a morning person? Okay, start by waking an hour earlier and investing that precious time in you. Do this for a week or two, and then begin waking two hours earlier. 

Learn to respect your intuition

Learning to listen and respect your intuition will take time. It’s a journey of self-exploration. Give yourself grace (if you’ve forgotten, we explored this earlier). 

Our intuition is the subtle feeling or gentle nudge we feel and often overlook. Research shows this a real psychological process: our brains access past experiences and cues from the self and the environment to form decisions. This occurs quickly, not registered by the conscious mind. 

Our intuition is our subconscious selves communicating with our conscious minds.

You can develop your intuition through practice by incorporating meditation and mindfulness practices, as well as giving yourself permission to FEEL your emotions in the moment without passing judgment.

Our life paths are riddled with challenges and adversity — some we create and others outside of our control. But with these challenges come opportunities for growth and self-reflection. Adopting a hero mindset equips you with the tools to write your own story.