Why Every Caregiver Needs a Therapist in Their Back Pocket
Caregivers know and live a unique life experience - at the same time they can be lit up by the children they love and care for as well as completely exhausted, drained, and mentally tapped. Caregiving is often glorified by those on the outside looking in, but caregivers may often find themselves feeling isolated, depressed, and physically exhausted much of the time - even though they intensely love the children and loved ones they care for.
If you are a caregiver and have ever identified any of these feelings while caring for your children or loved ones, know you are not alone and you are not a “bad” caregiver. In fact, your experience is simply showing you that you are doing a great, even stellar, job at caring for those in your charge. However, your symptoms of burnout and exhaustion are telltale signs you are neglecting caring for someone extremely important - you.
Caregiving is exhausting - you’re not alone in burnout
Caregivers of loved ones of all ages can experience a phenomenon called caregiver stress syndrome, which results from mental, emotional, and physical burnout from the intensity of caregiving. On top of that, caregivers of children with special needs carry an even more intense magnitude of responsibility as well.
Caregiving can be a full time job and requires a high mental load that is often unseen and unrecognized even by those who carry it. Mental load is also called cognitive labor and refers to the ongoing act of scouting for, anticipating, and fulfilling the needs of someone else.
Caregivers experience mental load in a uniquely exhausting way. Small things pile up and consume mental energy - making sure the pantry is stocked, ensuring everyone has shoes and clothes that fit, keeping a household tidy and livable, remembering to clip nails and comb hair, ensuring baths are had by everyone, making meals, helping your child use the potty, changing diapers - the list is nearly infinite.
For caregivers, the mental load is just “part of the job.” It often goes unnoticed even in their own household. However, it often causes caregivers to put themselves last, to take care of themselves only after they’ve taken care of others. Too often, this gives them no margin to do so. This is what leads to caregiver burnout.
How do you know if you’re experiencing caregiver burnout?
If you’re a caregiver, you’re likely to experience caregiver burnout at some point in time - that is, if you haven’t already. Here are some signs you need to pause and seek to “fill your cup” as a caregiver:
You have trouble sleeping well, or waking up from long periods of rest still feeling unrested
What used to feel easy or fun now feels taxing and exhausting - even dreadful
Irritability is just one breath away at all times
You get sick more often and for longer periods of time
You find yourself withdrawing from family, friends and loved ones
Your ability to focus and pay attention has dwindled
You struggle to feel hopeful about the future or excited about anything
You just want to shut out the world and curl up in bed for a long length of time
These are just a few signs of caregiver burnout and stress, but symptoms can vary endlessly. Here are a few questions to ask yourself if you are a caregiver:
When was the last time I acted upon my own health and wellbeing?
Do I have a daily routine to nurture my own health and wellbeing?
How long can I carry on like this without making changes? Is the balance I’ve struck between caring for others and myself enough to lead to a satisfied life in this season?
If I were to look back on this season 20 years from now, what would I say to my current self? What advice would I give?
Ways to support yourself as a caregiver
You may be thinking, “well, it’s easy to say ‘make time for yourself,’ but as a caregiver that’s nearly impossible.”
We understand that the margin you have for yourself is small and that may be unavoidable, but let’s explore some ways to make the most of that margin and even widen it a bit. Here are some ways to support yourself, even in small margins of time:
Take small walks multiple times a day - even just getting outside for 60 seconds to 5 minutes a few times per day can give you some literal and figurative fresh air.
Ask for help - It can be hard to just ask someone for help out of the blue. Seek a trusted friend in advance and ask them if they’ll be a part of your support system - ask them the best way to reach out to them if you ever need support, how they like to best support you and others, and how you can support them as well when they need it.
Utilize meditative music or white noise - caregiving can cause mental stress and sensory overload. Putting some headphones in and listening to white noise or meditative music can help decrease that sensory input even while you remain in active caregiver mode.
Get proper rest and nutrition - know what fuels you best, literally. Fruits and vegetables and ample protein are great to have on hand to keep mental and physical stamina from waning. Relax when your body needs it, and move when your body needs it.
Have a therapist in your back pocket - and set up a regular, consistent time to meet with them. A therapist or counselor will hold space for you - always - even when you aren’t able to hold space for yourself.
Benefits of having a therapist in your support system
You make space for others, day in and day out - your therapist will make much needed space for you. Not only are you able to critically process emotions, thoughts, and experiences during therapy sessions, you find space and time to uniquely meet with yourself.
Talking with a trusted and licensed professional can help you see new, healing paths forward and identify ways to make the most of the margin you have for yourself. They can also help you discover how you uniquely can deal with stressors in your daily life, both large and small.
Seeking support from a licensed professional is a fantastic way to support your journey as a caregiver. If you want to learn more about how to start your healing journey with therapy or what you can expect during your first therapy session, check out our blog or contact us for a free, no strings attached consultation.