How to Turn Your Inner Critic into Your Biggest Cheerleader
Have you ever found yourself spiraling into negative thought patterns, struggling to break out? Are those negative thought patterns fueled by an inner voice that keeps repeating the same old cautionary, pessimistic, and even mean rhetoric?
While this pessimistic voice feels impossible to live with at times, there is good news. You’re not alone - this is normal. In fact, it means you are human.
This voice that often leads us into negative thought patterns is called the Inner Critic, and it usually appears from a state of harsh judgment on us, our decisions, our abilities, our competency or adequacy, and our identity.
The inner critic offers harsh and even detrimental and critical commentary where it is not objectively justified.
Often, this inner critic loves detailing ways we aren’t living up to our own standards or the expectations of others. It loves to incite shame, guilt, fear and embarrassment, often keeping us from taking action or focusing on positive aspects of our lives.
A highly active inner critic, one that pipes up at every turn, can have a detrimental effect on our sense of well-being and happiness. It can overwhelm us with anxiety, depressive thoughts, and negativity.
Dr. Eric Morris from Latrobe University says, “the inner critic is there because you have a mind that likes problem-solving and judging everything, including you. The trick is to consider this as just your mind doing its thing, and that you don’t have to follow it.”
Where does the inner critic come from?
Knowing we don’t have to follow it, knowing we have a choice to listen to our inner critic or reject it, is powerful. How do we move forward from this knowledge?
The key to stepping out from under the thumb of our inner critic is to understand its origin and its major goal, then beginning to identify these negative thought patterns when they arise.
Our inner critic makes us believe we are detrimentally different from others, that we are rejected, alone, unlikeable and unlovable. It comments on our personality, characteristics, behaviors and even looks. It loves to tear us down in order to immobilize us and - here’s the core of it - keep us safe.
Our inner critic is there to preserve us, to keep us out of danger in order to keep us safe. To combat the inner critic and begin to turn it into our biggest cheerleader, we must uncover its goals with a bit of self-reflection.
What do you consider to be unsafe? In what areas of your life do you feel insecure, and why? These aren’t truths you can necessarily uncover in a single meditation session, but they are worth pursuing consistently.
Here are some questions to ask yourself as you pursue these truths:
What are the goals of your inner critic?
What is the inner critic protecting you from?
If you were to listen to the inner critic 100% of the time, in what ways would it “win”? What does success look like for the inner critic?
Identifying the inner critic’s negative thought patterns
How do you begin to recognize these negative thought patterns when they occur? It may take some practice at first, depending on how active our inner critic is and how ingrained its commentary is.
First, begin to recognize the way you feel when believing the inner critic’s words as the only truth. For example, when you step into a new room full of strangers do you immediately feel depressed, unlovable, unlikeable? These things are not true, but your inner critic whispers them anyway to keep you from opening yourself up to others which opens you up to possible rejection.
Second, recognize that the inner critic usually has the same set of goals and it shows up in recurring, repeatable ways. In the example above, you may identify your inner critic’s main goal is to keep you safe from rejection in relationships. Knowing this will allow you to navigate conversations, relationships and entering into new friendships in new ways.
Turning your inner critic into your biggest cheerleader by creating your own affirmations
Your inner critic is simply trying to keep you safe, but listening to its words as unshakeable truth can keep us from living vibrant, healthy and flourishing lives!
Here are a few ways to validate the fears of your inner critic while turning it into your biggest support system and cheerleader - custom affirmations!
Your inner critic just wants you safe, happy and healthy. Your job, then, is to consistently affirm your own safety, happiness and health and to quell those fears of inadequacy, brokenness, unlovability, and shame.
Flip the script
This first step may be difficult at first, because it requires an awareness of your own negative thought patterns and the lies your inner critic is whispering in your ear. Once you begin, however, a domino effect occurs, and you’ll find yourself creating all kinds of affirmations to turn your own fears into encouragement.
As an example, if you notice your inner critic constantly criticizes your ability to make new friends, whispering lies that you are innately unlovable and unlikeable, here are a few examples of flipping that script into affirmations:
I am worth loving just the way I am.
I have innate value that is a gift to others.
My friendship is a gift and a blessing.
Other people are blessed to be my friend.
Other people want to be my friend, they just need to get to know me.
I am safe to be my authentic self.
My authentic self attracts quality, healthy relationships.
Say it out loud
Say them both out loud - the words of your inner critic and your affirmations! When your inner critic says, “you are unlovable,” bringing that voice out of your head into reality causes it to lose power. You’ll hear just how untrue those words actually are, and you’ll realize there is no way you can objectively be unlovable.
Equally as powerful is saying your affirmations out loud. There is power in the words you repeatedly say in your mind, which is why our negative thought patterns have ruled our actions for so long. Our job is to get the negative thought patterns out of our mind, and get our affirmations into our mind - we use our voice for both!
Create self-affirming habits
Your next step is to structure self-affirming habits - or, habits that regularly help put your affirmations into practice. For example, if your negative thought patterns center around your inability to make friends, and your affirmations focus on your natural likeability, a self-affirming habit is to put yourself in a position to meet new people.
Maybe you set a goal of saying, “hello,” to one new person per day. Perhaps you decide to call one friend per week or to text a greeting to a friend every day. Maybe you join a local community group or decide to volunteer. Or, you may decide to become a “regular” at your local coffee shop. All of these are great ways to act upon your affirmations and live them out.
As always, seeking support from a licensed professional is a fantastic way to support your healing journey! If you want to learn more about how to start your healing journey with therapy or what you can expect during your first therapy session, check out our blog or contact us for a free, no strings attached consultation.